Alright new Blog

By Liquid`Sheth
03:19 August 21 2013
So I just wanted to kind of say whats new with me and whats going on lately here. I said a little on Reddit and on Chanman, but wanted to put it up here as well and in different words / more detail here.

So background for me is just, had hand issues, and I still do. I just had leg surgery 2 weeks ago, I'm going to go have the other leg done soon, and then I'll continue looking at getting hand surgery from many more doctors. (Just fixing old leg problems that aren't super needed, but torn ligaments hurt, and why not get it done) So anyway I started up college 2 days ago. My leg is killing me, and I have to walk / keep my leg down not up for like 9 hour days with college. Its a pain, but whatcha gonna do its my new life.

My goal with college is to eventually get a 4 year degree in chemistry and then re-evaluate. Possibly med-school from there, or stop and do something else while I apply for med-school. I'm about 1 1/2 years from my 4 year degree as of now. I recently said that if my hands were magically better (which they aren't, but maybe if I go to like 10 more doctors?) I'd probably still not come back to being an SC2 pro. And I guess I've never phrased it like that before, but its been something I've have to think about for a while. Do I want to go back to a pro-gaming life? Everyone always thinks its amazingly glamorous. And that pro-gamers should be appreciative that they can be a gamer at all as a living. And I understand why you can think that, but all in all its a very stressful tough life choice if you want to be one of the best. 9 hour college day, you think thats long? ha. Most progamers do longer then that every day. And sure 9 hours of play versus 9 hours as a resident, or working doing whatever (I'm a previous lawn care guy so I know work is harder then college) is still not amazingly easy.

Gaming all day every day isn't healthy for me as well. I lost a lot of weight when I couldn't play on the computer at all and had help from others (victor, robbie). I don't blame Sc2 for my weight problems at all just saying for me its easier without constantly sitting in front of the computer.

Traveling is tough. Especially when you travel once every week for 3 days or more. Or even once every other week. Its like your living two lives. Now imagine throwing in that sometimes you stay for a few weeks traveling in a row. And when your traveling its not a vacation. Very rarely do I do anything non-gaming related at these events. Your still playing a game (work) wherever you go traveling. And a lot of the times your under a lot more stress and you put in a lot more effort when you travel. Then you reap the reward of all your hard work.... or you get 6 pooled, or 2 raxed... ever seen someone rage really hard? Maybe this happened to them. It'd be like taking a risk and hoping it pays off, gambling on your own skill for instance. Then you lose. Maybe it was your mistake that you died, and then you just get angry at yourself. Now imagine repeating this over and over.

You may still get paid, but you know unless you win it won't continue, so the stress is up again! Maybe your job isn't stable, even though you worked that hard! It can be a tough job I assure you. Oh wait, you have a contract. Good thing in e-sports those are very reliable. Hm, maybe not if past experience is any guide. (TL is the best thing ever, not talking about those gods among men). Just in general e-sports teams can be shady. Even companies are shady. IPL still not paying players for instance is just one thing. One thing of many.

Hurray though now Blizzard is organizing tournaments for players. Anyway I don't even need to go over that, but clearly it doens't help players either. So now say that I'll stream. I'll just stream non-stop and maybe that'll work to pay my bills while I prep for my next tournament. But ya know what I lag a little bit when I stream / play. Also its harder because your playing for others watching. Maybe you forget to run some commercials. Maybe you decided to stream when Idra and Stephano are streaming so no one watched you. Maybe Ti3 is on and WCS at the same time and you just wanted to stream some GM level games. Its not always doable in a stable way. It is a tough job, where as other jobs can be stable (doctor for instance).

Anyway I can ramble on forever about my complaints about how it is tough to be a pro-gamer. And trust me I realize in terms of easiness its easier to be a mediocre pro-gamer then a mediocre lawn mower. But being a top level at either one takes tremendous effort and some luck. And who wants to be a mediocre pro-gamer? Not me. I see stuff like "when was the last time Sheth actually did anything worth while?". And despite having hand issues, even before that I wasn't tremendously impactful. I beat rain, I beat polt at an MLG, I did well in team leagues, and I did charity events and did well in some online events and tried a lot at lans. (Taeja knocked me out like 10x, and if it wasnt him it was HerO). I've gotten knocked out of NASL by the winner, then knocked out of Dreamhack by the winner (Puma/Hero), I lost 1-2 vs Leenock when he won the MLG. All in all its tough out there.

I have no one to blame but myself for not winning those. Maybe I wasn't skilled enough. Maybe instead of 10 hours I needed 11. Maybe I needed to live in Korea and completely abandon my family. But again, I'm not quite Naniwa, or TLO. I have a burning desire to be good, but not at an extremely high cost. And I realize thats what u need in e-sports. And trust me, I gave up a lot. I tried what I consider my best in Sc2. But it just wasn't enough. We can't all be winners. Games need losers too.

So anyway of late I'm starting up college. If my hands were better, maybe I'd give SC2 a try again. But maybe not. Maybe I'd just try and play/stream some on the side. Maybe I'd just continue to watch starcraft, cheer for my team and wish that one day I could live that life again deep down inside. Because even though its not the easiest, it was by far some of the best times of my life. And if I had to do anything over again, I'd mostly keep it the same.
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